Everything about you has been different. Our first baby not planned. Our first baby not born in July. Our first baby born past her due date. Our first baby with blonde hair and blue eyes. Our "late" crawler. Our baby who still has not said a word or walked. You entered the world on your own time and have been doing things at your own pace ever since. It is a beautiful thing.
When I found out I was pregnant with you I cried. Your sister, Charlie, wasn't even 8 months old yet. I didn't feel ready. I took a minute, breathed it out, and never looked back. I knew that God would provide whatever it is I needed to be a mom again. What I didn't know was how I needed you and how you would shape motherhood for me in a unique way that I had not yet experienced.
You have taught me to slow down. You have taught me that it is okay if everything doesn't stay clean or organized. Perhaps what you have taught me is that it isn't possible to stay clean and organized with 3 kids...but, whatever, the benefits of the lesson are the same! You have taught me that the world won't end if nap time gets off schedule, if you sleep in my bed (still), or if you eat a pancake off the floor. You have taught me that my best work right now is you, and your sisters. Anything else I'm doing pales in comparison and is less in priority. God has used your birth combined with unique circumstances in our life to open a window to my soul, that, as a mother, has made me strong and rooted, like a tree able to bare much weight. Though your cry (which is really not a cry, but at all times is a level 10 emergency scream) is straight from the pit of hades, you, Dominica, are like a peaceful river, flowing and pouring out life and rest.
I have been in absolutely no hurry with you. I have longed to savor every minute, every moment. I'll carry you as long as you'll let me. I'll hold you as long as you're still. The fact that you have been here one year now, is a testament to how fast all this is going. You have taught me to slow down, and I want to stay at this pace.
Your name means: Of the Lord. Though I consider all my daughters treasured gifts from God, your presence in this family has had a special impact. I think because you were not a part of our plans, it was clear you were a part of God's plans for us. And so I have felt graced by God. Graced to be your mother. To carry you, deliver you, love and nurture you. When we brought you home from the hospital I would just look at you and cry because I didn't want anything to happen to you, ever. I guess what I'm trying to say here is that I'm thankful for you. I'm genuinely grateful you are here. It is a satisfying, joyful blessing to be your mommy. I look forward to an abundant life with you. I love you. Happy birthday, sweet girl.
Love,
Mommy
No comments:
Post a Comment